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How I Taught My Mom To Play Fantasy Football |
By:
Ken Bunter |
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"Are they trying to kill each other?" "No, Mom, it's called tackling." "Well, I don't care what you call it, do they have to be so rough?"
Let me tell you about my Mom. She’s a 75-year-old retired pharmacist living in Santa Cruz, CA. She was married for 50 years to her high school sweetheart (my father, obviously) who passed away five years ago. She still lives in the same house where my sister and I grew up. Instead of kids, now she has cats. Her previous knowledge of professional sports consisted of passively rooting for the teams Dad and I rooted for, as that generally meant peace in the household when our teams won. Although, as I said, she was a passive fan.
“Honey, how did the Raiders do?” “THEY #%*@$% LOST!” “That’s too bad. We’re having chicken with mushroom gravy tonight.” “That’s great Mom.”
I'm co-partner of HeySportsFans, a fantasy sports contest website. We've often said our games are "Easy enough for your Mom to understand, tough enough she still might beat you." We decided to take the idea a step further for football season. Beat MY Mom and win a bonus prize. Sounds easy enough, right? Really, we just expected it to be a nice way to hand out some extra prizes in a fun way. Little did I know I was about to unleash a competitive tiger from within my own dear, sweet Mother.
Her initial reaction? “Oh honey, I don’t know anything about that.” “Don’t worry Mom, I’ll teach you the fundamentals, and guide you through it. But remember, you will have the final say for each of your players at each position.” “Each position!? I don’t know football positions. How am I supposed to know what positions people play?” “Mom, calm down.”
Now, we run a fairly straightforward game - 16 groups of players, pick one player from each group. If you don't like them, pick someone else the following week. First order of business was to get Mom an easy-to-read printout of the player selections. This is available from our website, but Mom isn’t too hot with the mouse. She has a computer with an Internet connection, but she pretty much ignores it unless I come over and log on with her. Then she’s surfing like a Hawaiian on a long board at Waimea Beach. I helped her get a printout. That was easy, but what she really needed was a strategy.
Teaching your Mom fantasy football when she can barely grasp the rudiments of football itself can be tricky. I quickly determined we better start off slowly. She would choose her team for Week 1 with the simple strategy of “I like Niners and Raiders.” That took care of quite a few picks, so I introduced the idea of the team vs. team matchup. This concept proved to be a little tougher, especially since no one had played yet and she had no clue who was good and who stunk last season. So I dug up the Thursday sports section of our local paper, which runs the odds for all the upcoming weekend’s college and NFL action, and showed her how to read which team was favored in each contest. She got the idea quickly and filled in the rest of her team with players from teams that were favored by the most points. All in all, a decent strategy for a beginner.
As it turned out, Mom kicked some serious butt with her Week 1 picks. She had the 4th highest score for the week, finished 1st in her league, and easily smashed her Week 1 opponent. She was really tickled. "I have a system", she boasted. She said it as if she had figured out a foolproof system to winning blackjack and it was just a matter of time before she broke the bank.
She worked hard on her Week 2 picks, not wanting to lay an egg after a taste of success. On her own, she began discussing the injury report she saw in the Thursday paper, wanting to know the difference between “Out”, “Doubtful,” “Questionable, “ and “Probable.” I have to say, I was impressed.
She decided two of her picks should be Steelers Kordell Stewart and Hines Ward. They were playing Oakland at home. As a diehard Raider fan, I told her, "I hope those two have a terrible week full of interceptions and lost fumbles." "You're only saying that because you want the Raiders to win, and I can't let personal team affiliations interfere with smart fantasy picks." Huh? So much for peace in the family. That’s playing some pretty cold-blooded fantasy football for only her second week. Geez. The result? Raiders beat the Steelers, but Stewart and Ward combine for some nice fantasy points and she wins again. Priceless.
As she faced Week 3, I had to explain how “bye weeks” work. Before the season started I had given her a list of all the bye weeks so she could have a quick reference guide of which teams were off on any given week. But now, four weeks later, she had questions about it.
“OK Mom, now remember Baltimore, Jacksonville, Oakland, and Pittsburgh don’t play this week.” “They don’t play? Why not?” “They have a bye this week. Remember, over the next several weeks each team will have a week off.” “Oh that’s right. So I don’t want to pick anyone from those teams this week.” “Correct. Because they aren’t playing, they won’t get any points.” “OK then. I’ll have to change some of my picks then, because I think I took a couple Raiders. "
But when her 49er/Raider strategy mixed with team vs. team matchups failed to produce a victory in Weeks 3 and 4, Mom wanted more info. The "system" wasn't working. So I made a new suggestion to her.
“Mom, you don’t always have to pick players from teams that are favored. Even though their team may stink, there are players having outstanding seasons. You need to start paying attention to how individual players are doing. ” “How do I do that?” “I’ll get you a printout of the player's season-to-date fantasy scores. That way you can start to see who’s doing well and who's struggling.” “Oh yeah. That would really help. By the way, is Couch still hurt?” “Yeah Mom, he’s still out.”
As the season progressed, Mom never neglected her picks once. She started to pay more attention to football. She was picking up on the little nuances of the game. She knew during Thanksgiving week she needed her picks done by Thursday morning, before the first game of the week. She even started to watch NFL Primetime on ESPN on Sundays. She liked it when Chris Berman would mention one of the players from her team that week.
In the end, Mom finished the season at 10-7 in head-to-head competition. A couple of her losses were close, a couple of times she creamed her opponent. She was in the top third of all teams overall and TWICE had the top weekly score in her league of 50 teams. She now knows the difference between “Doubtful” and “Questionable.” She can read the spread on a Vegas line. She knows when a team has a bye week and when the games start. She knows when a player is hurt and can’t play. In short, she knows how to play fantasy football.
I’ll bet next year she’ll start talking smack on game day. I’m so proud.
Ken Bunter may be contacted at http://www.heysportsfans.com kenbu@heysportsfans.com. Click here to view more of their articles.
Ken is founding partner of HeySportsFans, offering free and low cost fantasy contests for all major sports.
Article Source: Casino Articles
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